Rumor and Hearsay

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Legend and Folklore: The Trickster Maui

This will be a post describing The Trickster Maui, well the legendary one who's name I've chosen as a pen-name. And I'll be describing some of the stories in my own words, so don't expect to find hawaiian manuscripts word for word with this post.

Imagine that your mother didn't want you, wrapped you up in some of her super long-ass hair and threw you into the right? Buts it's cool because some ocean spirits find baby you and take care of you until your troublesome teens...and and by the by, you're half-god.
Now, you go to find your mother, and when you do she completely rejects you as her son and you discover you have brothers, which don't like you very much either. Eventually you convince her, and you have a new home...yay! WAIT! it gets better.

Maui was pretty much a jackass, he loved playing tricks on people, and as a demi-god this usually involved him shape-shifting. However, he did do totally badass things for the good of mankind...First, when the heavens lay on the earth and made travel almost impossible he bartered a woman, a drink for work program if you will, to push the heavens up....boom he got his drink, mankind got the sky where it is now...see, he was a swell guy. Later, his mother complained about how fast the sun moved across the sky: the villagers could not get thier work done or cook because of the speed. She begged Maui to do something so he got his brothers together, made a huge snare and attempted to capture the sun. One day when the sun awoke and started across the sky, his brothers snared it and Maui...LITERALLY...BEAT THE SUN RETARDED...WITH HIS GRANDMA'S FREAKING JAWBONE... Now the sun travels more slowly...and we have our days.

Other adventures include, you know, dragging the land out of the oceans to form the islands...again with the freaking jawbone which was now fashioned into a magical fish hook, no big deal I'm sure you've done that before; he also dove deep underwater to bring islands up on his shoulders, you know, after he pulled New Zealand out of the ocean with his badass fish hook. Finding fire once it had been lost by humans by angering the goddess of fire by almost killing her... etc badass and necessary things to mankind.

But we must remember he was a jackass, he would rob his friends and fellow gods and demi-gods...this guy just didn't care, but he did help people too, so he was a very "Jeeze that guy is a jerk, but he did get fire back for us so I guess he's cool" sorta friend. He wasn't a great inventor but always made things better, like spears, fish hooks and eel nets. If you copied him he'd get pissed and turn you into a dog, again kind of a jerk.

But, toward the end of his totally awesom elife he decided he wanted to be immortal, and that he wanted everyone to be immortal (AWWW) so he journeyed to the house of death (Death being a huge freaking fish with razor sharp obsidian teeth) and sought to cut out her heart, thus killing death. One of his darn brothers started laughing after he has crawled into the fish's mouth and she awoke and snapped her jaws shut, cutting him in half.

But no worries, Maui's girl was one tough B and declared war on the gods and took a bunch of them about a good woman :)

So, why The Trickster Maui?
I am a jackass, jerk, douche etc sometimes, I can be that guy you don't wanna ever see but you like the fact that I watch out for those around me. I can be caring or stone-hearted, but at the end of the day, even playing jokes on people, all I want to do is help and make life better.

Sorry this post was so long.

Next Time: Open Mic Night

Until then,
~The Trickster, Maui

1 comment:

  1. Awww. Well I'm pretty damn sure that wasn't the response you were looking for but still. Aww Damn It!!!