Rumor and Hearsay

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

A Million Miles Away

Clutch in. Click. Clutch out. Twist.

Sixty miles per hour, the freeway seemed clear enough, the sound of the engine was the soundtrack to the head rush that was coming.

Twist. Click. Twist


The sound of the quickening wind around him joined the orchestra. One hundred miles per hour. There comes a point when the dashed on the road become a solid line. The upcoming bend quickly approaching, James shifted his weight slightly to the right as the demon underneath him responded gracefully.


One hundred twenty miles per hour. "Give me more.". One hundred thirty, forty. Silence. The world around him stood still as he straightened out the front tire lifting slightly as he approached a group of cars. A smile crept over him as he shut off his headlight. Weaving left, right, split the lanes. Silence. he knows his heart is racing, but cannot feel it, he knows the air is trying to ship him off his machine, but failing. He seems the red of break lights ahead in the sweeping left curve, his light stays off. he was on the tail of the next car, closing quickly. that champagne colored...

His eyes widened, his heart skipped a beat, his body went numb. Deafening noise. That license plate, the make and model. It was her. Head shake, wobble, front end gone, air born. In this instant he saw everything, felt everything, fear. All in slow motion he saw the concrete and guardrail. He reached out as if he could touch it, then...

James shot up in bed, sweating profusely. His dog tags swung in front of his chest as he gasped for air, as if he were drowning. He wiped the sweat off his face with his shaking hands, the bottle of whiskey on the bed stand half empty. He reached for it and took a hard pull, the room was still spinning as he lunged out of bed towards the bathroom. His white knuckles clenching the toilet as he started throwing up, his face hot and red, he felt like his veins were going to explode. When it stopped, James pulled himself up to the sink, his eyes bloodshot, snot coming down his face. he tried to cool himself down with water and clean his face, he was still shaking, the room was still spinning.

The clock read 03:35

Two lines were waiting for him on the coffee table as he staggered through the living room, he stopped and stared at them for what seemed like eternity, then he sat down and picked up his hollowed pen. His eyes watered as he tilted his head back, the lines gone. James let himself stare at the ceiling as the room steadied, "I love you Roxy, you're good to me" were the only words he said as he pulled himself up and walked into his bedroom. Another pull from the bottle. He wiped his nose and could feel the drip in his throat. The flame of his lighter was the only light in the room, the glow of his cigarette was all that remained. That dream had been haunting him for weeks. Thunder roared, rain threatening on the outskirts of town.

Inhale. Exhale.


James opened a drawer in his night stand. The cover was black and white, the title, "A Million Miles Away...will you get this letter?"
It was what he had called his war journal, love letters to the one that held his heart.

As he opened the journal a picture fell out, they seemed so happy, complete, and perfect. Katheryn was gorgeous, an intoxicating smile, piercing green eyes. Her skin seemingly barely touched by the son, her Irish heritage evident. The picture was of her wearing his dog tags, covering herself with one arm. he could almost taste her lips again as he stared at the picture. He lightly kissed it and began reading... My Dearest Kathryn... as he read memories flooded his mind, he wanted the old days back, fragments of happiness from days gone by. he didn't even make it through the first pages, James slammed the journal shut and put on his fatigues and put on a white t-shirt. A small key was in his pocket and as he walked towards the front door he passed a pair of motorcycle helmets, he stopped for a second and looked at them, then picked up his.

Door open. Door closed. Locked

The beast awakened and he lit his last cigarette as the engine warmed up.

The pearl white beast under him roared as he flew down the freeway. The hair on my neck standing up as his skin was kissed by the frigid night air. Weave left, right, left, split the lanes. his eyes felt like they were bleeding as he passed a corvette in that cold morning. He tried to keep up, James smiled at the drivers ignorance as he shut off his headlight and tucked behind the windscreen, the car lost quickly behind.

A lightning bolt whipped through the air, a clap of thunder surely followed but he couldn't hear it, he was in a zone, he didn't hurt anymore. There was the car, that champagne color, those numbers and letters, the school decal. His body tensed, the sound of his addiction to speed deafening. The cold of the air, the rain pounding his exposed skin. He couldn't breathe, one hundred forty seven miles per hour. The front end started sliding, the wheel turned. High side, air born. He didn't want the last time he'd see her to be like this, the flash of headlights swerving as he hovered in the air for a lifetime, His bike tumbling in a pinwheel of sparks. Breathe James, breathe.

He relaxed, he exhaled slowly as he approached that page of concrete. He closed his eyes as he hit the ground.

He slowly opened his eyes to humming, a woman, it felt warm. He closed his eyes again as he heard footsteps leaving.

He awoke again, this time at night, he felt a cast, IV's, everything hurt, he wanted to scream but couldn't. As James scanned the room he saw a vase of flowers and a note that simply said, "My dearest James, I got your letter. ~K. Valentine." he felt a tear start to form in his eye as a figure walked in to his room and pushed a button. He soon didn't feel anything anymore as he faded into his medicated slumber.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The burning question

Travis sat in that bar. The smell of smoke hanging heavily in the air. His black button down with unbuttoned cuffs, open at the top three exposed an obsidian hook which clung closely to his neck. Tattered jeans leading to barely tied black boots. He knew the waitresses and bartenders well, any day, any time he could tell you who was on or off, the regulars passing in and out of the watering hole always greeted him. He lost himself in the hustle and bustle, waitresses hitting, and being hit on, always chasing the next dollar. The bartenders pouring and mixing the poison of the masses, smiles on their faces as the concoctions left their bar top as the drunks continued mindless banter. A few played billiards, but most were glued to the televisions, screaming, cussing, praising the teams battling.

The cigarette next to him had burnt itself out as his waitress for the evening brought him a shot of Maker's Mark and some new mix the bartenders wanted him to try. She was a cute little brunette ,about four inches shorter than Travis. He couldn't tell her eye color in the low light of the bar, her smile sucked him in though. She was maybe a buck fifteen at most and those tight jean shorts hugging her hips just right. Little makeup, not like it was needed anyway, and her button down shirt let the gawking eyes of the local drunks think they might get to see her breasts.

"Your smoke's out" she said, her voice perking his ears up.
"You're new" Travis said as he reached for his Zippo and a cigarette
"So you're Travis huh?" she said playfully as she sat down across from him "they warned me about you."
"What have they said?"
"Just to watch out, that you can be a charmer..." she let a smile creep across her lips
"They talk a lot don't they?" Flip. Strike.

Inhale. Exhale.

The bourbon still in front of him. She eyed it suggesting he wasn't up to par for the evening.

Inhale. Exhale.

"Drink with me" the cigarette was put into the ashtray, his gaze fixed in hers.
"I can't here." she seemed taken back, almost flustered.
"I know everyone here sweetheart." he takes the shot, a good burn in his chest "I'm like royalty here"
"You know everyone and they all know I'm only 20." A dismayed look trying to hide itself.

Inhale. Exhale.

"You didn't say no."
"I know" she smiles and starts to leave, "you didn't even ask my name."
"I'll find it out eventually" he takes another deep drag, "tell Robby his new drink sucks please."

She giggled as she left his table, a light touch on his shoulder. As she passed that's when the girl appeared. Her blonde hair expertly curled, even in the darkness of the bar her ice blue eyes were as bright as stars. Her perky lips dressed in some kind of pink lipstick, her shirt says "Rock me Raw", the name of a band in South Los Angeles. And it is cut just perfect to where one slip would have the bar in an uproar. As she walked into the bar with her friends, everyone watched...everyone. Her hourglass body stomach exposed, legs in a tight, jet black miniskirt, pink fishnets and half-calf boots. It was all in slow motion, like watching an angel grace the demons of L.A. with her goddess-like allure. Her nose ring glistening when she lit her cigarette and waited for a bartender.

Travis got up and approached the far end of the bar and got a shot of bourbon and a Star Fucker and headed her direction.
He walked behind her and put the pink shot next to her, "I think this is what you're looking for." he said smoothly as she turned to face him, their faces inches apart.

She looked at him with those burning blue eyes, through his shaggy hair, a smile creeping over her lips.
"Well, well, well...the star-crossed lovers find each other again" she grabs her shot and they toast, drink, and both smile, "is my knight going to take me away on his steed finally?" There they stood, looking into each other's eyes.

"I missed you..." he finally says.
"I know" is her reply as she bites her lip and gazes at him playfully ,"don't get all soft on me Trav it makes you look like a fucking sap." She kisses his cheek lightly as the bartender walks her direction. "I guess we can finally take this place over huh?"
Travis sees the bartender pouring four tequila shots. "Yeah, its about time."
First two shots are picked up and she says," The beauty and the beast" they drink, the next two shots are picked up. "Till death do us part", he says with a wink. She smiles, "Always my beast." they drink.

The two socialites stood there, in the hustle and bustle of the bar, both with slight smiles on their faces, but holding back. "It was really good seeing you Trav." she reaches in for a hug. "You too, Claire", he responds.

They had met in high school, Claire was the youngest daughter of a hot shot record label exec in L.A. Her sense of style had always been edgy, but always sexy. Travis earned his semi-fame by being the son of of a former bounty hunter gone corporate in the real estate world. If a new building was going up, he had a hand in it, they basically owned the city. They came from old money, like, real old. The two of them were the epitome of popular in school, albeit on very different ends of the spectrum. Travis was the first freshman to break into the first squad on Helix's Lacrosse team. He had his first sportbike before his first car, never obeyed the dress code, but was never punished for it. He worked on other people's cars for fun, and by the time he got a car he had built the thing himself, 1969 Camaro running ten and a half second quarter mile drags. His nonchalance made him hated or loved, many couldn't tell if he was arrogant or just confident. He hung out with the jocks, the geeks and the freaks, his favorite were the freaks. Claire always had two things, money, and sex appeal. The first time Travis saw her she had shortened her uniform skirt to well too short of the required length, she always wore the tightest sweater she could, and always made sure that if the guys had wet dreams, they would be about her. She always could get what she wanted from pretty much anyone, the peons that worshiped the ground she walked on, the athletes who wanted her, the girls who wanted to be like her. She was a deadly combination of witty, quick, and brutally honest. If she didn't like you, you knew it. She partied hard, she was royalty, she could be a bitch and Travis loved it.

The first chapter of the storied romance happened at a party during their Sophomore year. The lacrosse team just won state against San Francisco Prep. Travis scored four goals, including the game winner as time expired, teammates and students kept chanting his name throughout the night, especially during his keg stands and beer pong games. Enter Claire, tight white jeans, high heel boots and a form fitting, very low cut USC shirt. Her senior boy toy of the week following her like a sick puppy. GAME ON Travis thought...GAME ON.

The easiest way Travis saw to get her attention was to completely ignore her and her royal attitude, steal her thunder and stardom. Calling everyone in for shots and more drinks, making sure his voice towered over the party as much as possible, raging. She had seen him before of course and knew who he was, him ignoring her made her question if he knew who she was, she sought to catch up to the party, Travis was winning. "Catching up" to the lacrosse team was pretty much admitting you had a wish to wake up in a pool of your own vomit, pictures plastered all over myspace. In the wee hours of the morning, Claire, could barely stand, Travis was trying his hardest to speak coherently to anyone at the party, and Claire's boy toy was nowhere to be seen. Travis got distracted trying to sober up enough to talk to Claire while the team captain cussed out a kid who lost to him at beer pong. When the room stopped spinning he started looking for Claire but couldn't find her, determined, he kept searching. A guy was walking towards one of the bathrooms but turned into the adjacent bedroom, Travis followed and found who he was looking for, almost passed out while the guy, John as he could see now, was trying to make out with her while she pushed him away.

Pull the collar, throw him in the hall, punch him in the face.

She tried to stand, fell over and sat up on the floor, smashed. "You're that lacrosse guy! Trevo...Travis? Yeah! you didn't have to help me you know, I had that under control." "You sure did" Travis replied, "You're too hot to be getting this smashed, I might not be around to save you next time." "I know," she slurred, "I guess tonight you get to be my knight in shining armor." He could barely make it out. She could barely walk. As he carried her into the hallway whoops and cat-calling echoed through the house, the guys were still going hard, it was nearly four A.M. The noise brought her to, and she was determined to take shots. "You're the guy with the bike too right?" her slurring cleared up slightly, "I like bikes." "Me too, hey what a coincidence," Travis was just having fun at this point, "what are we toasting to?" She raised her shot glass with a smile and bloodshot eyes "To my knight" he assumed she meant him, and not the actual night. They took their shots and she pushed her body into his, "I want to ride...would you like me to ride?" "Wow you are really up front," Travis quipped and cracked a smile. Claire quickly slapped him slurring ,"I mean the bike..." her voice trailing off as her body went limp, she was out cold.

The new girl was back, setting two shots in front of Travis with a folded napkin under one. "Your name is Amber, and what is this?" Amber looked up at him perplexed, "How'd you guess my name?" "It was easy, what's this?" pointing to the shots" "That girl you were talking to at the bar sent them, she said you'd understand." As she left he caught a glimpse of Claire sitting at a table with friends two shot glasses sitting in front of her. He took the first shot, tequila. He reached for the second and curiosity won out as he could smell that was in this one, Rumpleminze. he put the glass down and opened the napkin.

"Why did you leave me? Why didn't you take me with you?"

He took the second shot and left a fifty dollar bill on the table and walked out of the bar. He climbed into his Camaro and lit a cigarette.

Inhale. Exhale.

"Because I loved you too much."

Inhale. Exhale.

Claire was walking out as he exited the parking lot, the roar of the engine caught her attention, and just like that he was gone again.

Then the rain started.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Rise and rise again...

What do we have at the end of the war?  After the battles, the flames, losses and victories?
As we sift through the ashes we are destined to find fragments and relics of the memories.

What if the lands aren't burned and destroyed, but abandoned? Where does on travel in that situation? Trials and tribulations can wear away the determination and resolve of anyone, but one must stay strong and see the difficulties through. This is something I'm personally re-learning, I wish it could have been a lesson that stuck.

Friends, through it all I ask that once your resolve, your will power, patience and dedication have been tested to the limits of their strength...fight on and fight harder through the flames, don't think that at your perceived weakest point that you are done. Don't give up, give in, or surrender.



Friday, September 9, 2011

Island Revolution

The light had not awakened as Maui opened his eyes,faintly detecting the ceiling above him in that early morning hour. A slight breeze carried the scents of the mangoes and bananas that surround his island home, nature flirting with his olfactory. A slight yawn lurched from his mouth as he stretched his limbs towards invisible goals, it was time to prepare.  He was used to this deployment of sorts, although returning to his sanctuary, he always expected the battles which would be given to him, a fair trade considering the war he dragged himself away from.

A drink of water, quick shower, uniform on, walk. The beads in his ears woke him more as their sounds barraged his mind, a view of the volcano mountain behind his humble dwellings was always a sight as the day guardian returned to regain his throne. The faint glow reappeared in front of his face as he journeyed towards that battlefield, already knowing that angry guardian would not let stand the climate of his journey, "Welcome home." said the guardian as he rose further into his kingdom. The walk was pleasant, Maui stayed silent, lost in the waves assaulting his ears, the occasional wisp of smoke being created in front of him, and subsequently destroyed in the atmosphere. before he knew it, the battlefields were in front of him, a smile appeared as he greeted his fellow soldiers...The battles here would prove to be as expected, heated, tiring, testing. Another smile flashed on Maui's face as orders came in, showtime. With his attitude and ability to lead, he rose quickly through the ranks to Lieutenant, all by choice of his fellow troops. his confidence was once again alive, his spirits concerning his deployment rose.

As the days progressed and the battles continued, Maui found comfort in letters and conversations from far away, from Her. She had been by his side through war, famine, destruction and rejuvenation. And now in his rebirth and the bridge had become astonishingly strong. It was during this time the young Lieutenant began keeping the affectionately named "War Journal" which rarely left his side. His fellow troops assumed the writings were full of battle plans, musings and time-killing. In reality, the journal was constructed of writings to his love and heart, many miles away. His rationale was that the journal would be more safe with him, and would be delivered in person once his deployment was finished, once he left the hallowed grounds which cleansed his soul. The courtship faced challenges, and battles all it's own...fires  threatened the integrity of the bridge that connected the two. However, Maui found a way to keep it intact, as she fought alongside him through the trials and tribulations that attacked what was being created over the vast expanse that currently kept them apart. As the battles continued on the island, letters from her kept him warm and hopeful once the day guardian was vanquished and the seas cooled the the air. Even when the battles took place in the still air of the late hours of the night, the journal never left him, neither did the love and thoughts of her as she became his new found motivation to return from his sacred place.

As the days of his original deployment diminished, and the realization that one more small journey was all that stood between them, Maui fought with a new fervor, the Lieutenant had been able to accomplish quite a mountain of progress and achievement during the two months he had been at war, and as the days grew shorter, he allowed himself finally to take in the sights, sounds, explore his island Mecca, maybe one day he could show her everything, the volcano, the valleys, the waterfalls and the battlefield where he slaved during his stint. His last few days with his troops proved to be heartwarming and enveloped in camaraderie. His troops would miss him, and he would miss them, they even inquired about her, which made him all the more bonded to them.

As the last day began to come to an end, gear, spoils of war, and the journal were ready to embark. The bond between him and his longest comrade on the island solidified as he left with a drink of cold elixir. Maui traveled light as he left his home, only the journal stayed with him...this last stretch would take him to a land he had only heard and dreamed about, the last thing between him and being physically complete again, a land known as Alaska.

Until we meet again, Godspeed.
~The Trickster Maui, for First Lieutenant James Havok.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Homecoming: Reunion

He watched as the light of the daylight guardian sank behind the clouds, beneath the horizon, defeated. Having the first feeling of the fine earth underneath his feet for the first time, back at this personally sacred place, Maui looked over the darkening waters as the blue of the waves slowly adopted their nightly oil-like sheen. In the growing darkness of the scene, the only light left was the waning attempts of the defeated guardian, and the orange glow a few inches in front of his lips, wisps of sweet smoke diffusing into the air. The waters were now as black as the vacant expanses between the stars scattered among the tapestry of the night sky, the clouds seemed envious and tried to cover them, but the nighttime guardian shone through with a sliver, claiming her sky from the jealous clouds. Maui slowly approached the waters edge, then journeyed into it with a smile of relief; every step bringing him deeper into the healing dark waters of his home, the crashing waves seemingly moving to avoid him, as he dove into the abyss. 

Those few seconds he sat on the ocean floor, the sounds of the waves rolling over him with the energy of the earth, and all of the scars incurred over the years were washed away, given up to the waters that raised him. Upon his return to the surface, the waves greeted him gently as the whispers of winds kissed his his skin as he pulled his hair from his eyes, looking off to where the horizon once was, then up to the night guardian, who flirted with his eyes as her reflections playfully skipped upon the black water. Every step further out, the reflections bounced more playfully and outwardly, as if building a road to some beautiful end, though he knew they only led to a journey to a zenith one couldn't arrive to. Maui surrendered his body to the waves, floating on his back just past the break in his own perfect sanctuary, as he gazed into the stars he felt the waters pulling at his heart and mind, until, he surrendered them also, feeling his regrets, failed dreams, failed attempts, and questionable paths pulled from him as the once anchors to self actualization sank to the abyss. For the first time during his journey, he cracked a smile that was pure and untouchable.

The pull of a wave signaled the end of his reunion, as he turned over and swam towards the shore, the wave catching him strongly and powering him to the sands of the beach, as if a helping hand. As he strode out of the waves and water onto the darkened beach he stayed silent, eyes now adjusted, he gazed once again to the stars and the night guardian. Alone on that hallowed ground, there was no light, until he struck a match where the spirits could see the passion returned to his eyes, his smile sincere. And in the silence of that moment the spirits welcomed him back. "I've missed you too, It's good to be home...I think it's time." his only words of the night as he sat in the sand, the faint orange glow in front of his face the only light around.

He had been reunited with his true self.

Until we meet again,

~The Trickster, Maui

Sunday, June 5, 2011

and then...there was a crash

We held hands on the last night on earth. Our mouths filled with dust, we kissed in the fields and under trees, screaming like dogs, bleeding dark into the leaves. It was empty on the edge of town but we knew everyone floated along the bottom of the river. So we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea and the shattered seasons lay, and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease.In our cancer of passion you said, "Death is a midnight runner." The sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide. We picked up the shards and formed them into shapes of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress. The echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn as the Ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop. The few insects skidded away in hopes of a better pastime. I kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked if you would accompany me in a quick fall, but you made me realize that my ticket wasn't good for two. I rode alone. You said,"The cinders are falling like snow." There is poetry in despair, and we sang with unrivaled beauty, bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence.Of blue and gray. Strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names in the flesh of the city. The sun has stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon and the darkness is a mystery of curves and line.Still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward,and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched into the earth like a message.

Monday, April 11, 2011


An excerpt from a story I started writing years ago that never got finished. Might work on it over the break.

The day was crystal clear; the air crisp with the smell of glistening salt water, now this is what it was all about. Jake Akoni was a Native Hawaiian Born to a White father and native mother in Kaui. &nbsp;Slender yet fit, he stood right at 6 feet tall, tanned skin and straight black hair. He and James had become fast friends while James waited tables over the summer at a nearby restaurant, yes, work was James’s form of vacation. After he got off he would meet Jake at a nearby beach hoping for conditions to be right, which they usually were either for surfing or body surfing. This was the entire summer, occasional visits to the rainforest sides of the island, nightly bar-b-que’s and tons of feel good attitudes coupled with heavy drinking and hard beach parties; this is where they got the nickname the “Havok Brothers” . They had become quite close; Jake was the one that showed James he was in love with Ashlee, despite their splitting up freshman year. Jakes was the one who showed James how to live…”Hes fucking dead dude!” shattered everything James felt on that hot Friday afternoon back in his car at school. “What the fuck are you talking about man? Who’s dead?” was James ‘confused reply. “Goddamnit James they fucking killed Jake man! They fucking stabbed him!”…The painfull crying overtook Junior’s voice as he tried to slow down to speak, but the words wouldn’t come out. “You have to be kidding this is some sick joke man ha-ha he’s not dead quit playing man”, was all James could say and even that was with a sick desperation that couldn’t hide the fact that James knew it was true, but hoped he was wrong. Junior was still sobbing on the other end of the phone,”I gotta go man..I…. fuck” then silence. And there he sat, inside his steaming hot car, shocked, but numb. He always knew Jake was pretty deep in some drugs but he was doing well these past few months, he found God, he found a girl and a good job; he had finally been on the right track and now it was all gone. James never cried so hard in his life, the tears seamed cold as ice against his searing skin, he had lost the friend who showed him how to live, taught him to love again, shit this was the guy who taught him how to surf, body surf and long board while he was on the island. The thirty minutes seemed to be an eternity as the tears flooded his sweaty shirt and he beat his steering wheel with everything he could muster between the sobs and gasps for air. Then, he gave up, James surrendered to the fact that Jake wasn’t going to magically return, Jake was gone, now he had the obligation to carry his memory with him. “The Havok&nbsp; Brothers” had been reduced to one, and James had no intention of letting the name die, granted it was his last name, but it meant much more now, it was a symbol of what he had left. His eyes were dry now, breathing controlled and it was hot as hell and James forced himself to start the car, park it in the back lot and get out into the world. It was fully understood that this may be the longest night of his life, and now, James looked to the sky and went into the locker room…</div>

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Standing in the rain, weathering the storm.

We all encounter times in our lives where we feel that the world, or at least aspects of the world are certainly against us. Why not just give up? Why put ourselves through situations which could leave us in a worse position? Is it the buzz? The Challenge? Some kind of demon driving us through hard times? A mysterious calling or force telling us to fight on? Probably, depending on the situation. What about in terms of times where you choose a path, consciously or not, maybe you've already chosen and not even noticed...what then? what drives us to endure the rain, sleet, hail, wind and waves? I think it's this....some sort of goal either acknowledged or unconscious.

Why endure two-a-day football practices when one feels their body is broken, tired, and the easiest thing to do is to quit? To play under the lights, to hone your skills and utilize them at a level where your opponent is quite as good and quite as dedicated and driven. Maybe it's not for the lights, maybe its for the glory, that game-saving tackle, that clutch conversion, that one moment. Unconsciously it could be to prove something to yourself, to see what you're really made of.

College, you go through all the works, effort, success and failure for a piece of paper, some sort of inner pride, something to prove people wrong about you etc. At work, we go through the bs for the money, the promotions, the bonds with good co-workers, we do it for the ability to enjoy ourselves later, we do it to be productive.

But, What about in overall life...what makes us tick? Still I believe it's goals.Lord knows I've put people through some hellish times, and I've dealt with theirs also. Some may see this example as being a "they just try to deal with it and let it blow over" but I see it as a "I'm proving to you/ it's my goal to show you that you're not alone in this" again, this can e a conscious or unconscious stand.

Personally, I feel that when someone makes a stand they fully expose themselves to the impending storm of opinion, emotion, and other applicable conditions. Sometimes our stands will be difficult, sometimes they are as inconsequential as a choice of when to get off the couch, some could seem life changing but end up nothing, others can seem like nothing and change your life forever. In most situations we may not be able to see which is which, but it's a reality we have to live with. But if you have a goal, if you have a point to prove, stay strong through the hurricane gusts, the hail, the rain and the cold. Keep your footing and sight of the goal and have faith that you will not falter and you put yourself in the best position to not fail, however remember you are looking at it all from your perspective,  your reality, which may be skewed. Just because you have a goal, doesn't mean you can reach's a tad unfortunate. Especially when taking a stand costs you a friendship, when the stand seemingly starts to poke and prod in your personal life outside of the situation, when it's dark outside and it's hard to see the goal. faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see, this is what the ancients were commended for. Hebrews 11:1-2

Goals in my eyes are the reason, drive and source of ability to weather storms that are thrown at you, or that you create for yourself.

I have my goals laid out in front of me...I have storms to weather, bridges to attempt to repair...goals will keep me focused. As for my past, I know Ive traveled through mist, fog, smoke and flames unable to sometimes see what's in front of me, but recently, the smoke has started to clear, the flames receded, the mist burnt off...and everyday the picture of who I should be, who I want to be becomes more clear, and so too do the point where I'll end up making a stand. to all those going through the places where you can't see ahead, Godspeed. Shit if I can do it...especially how I used to be, I have faith you can too. But beware, just because you make a goal doesn't mean it's righteous, or even right...In those instances the storm will likely be the most destructive.

Question is, do you have your goals?? Even more can you formulate yours once the storm clouds start to gather?
And remember, one has to know where they are standing in order to make a stand through it all.

Quote of the day:
Success is a measurable realization of a predetermined worthwhile goal or objective. Goals we set are goals we get.

Song of the day: Cake: The Distance (For the Lyrics at least)

Advice for the day: Try finding a book to read that you normally wouldn't.

Until we meet again,

~The Trickster, Maui

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Spring Break Part 2

Boom, the festivities are over, the drive has been made, and it's back to the grind.

Good to be back in Lubbock actually, though I'm not terribly excited for Muay Thai in the morning but that's besides the point. i figured I'd give y'all something to read to pass the time.

I hope everyone had a good break...will have a good break...or is currently enjoying a break...which will end up good. El Paso was a good time on the back end, however angsty my previous post was, doesn't reflect the rest of our mini vacation to the sun city. Hanging with some good friends at the house, grilling and additionally hazing the culinary world of the neighborhood. What college cookout druing break would be complete without some good ole BP, tournament of champions, actives versus pledges, bigs and littles as teams, and random match ups. Needless to say, things got pretty fratty: frat shades, polo shorts, sperrys, flip flops, croakies...we were frat to the nines.

Then the game started.... I evidently was doing something, "evidently" because I'm not sure if I was doing anything but whatever. So theoretically let's say I was doing something, and in the context of the situation, let's assume this is good. However, one of my prized possessions has mysteriously gone missing...the mission is to find it, and If I do, I get to know what I was doing. Still with me? Goof. We'll come back to this later, but at this point it's time to party with my brother.

Boom, after a short walk we enter a nice get together at my bro's house and proceed to continue to party as several more friends show up. As the night progresses, as many other nights, we just can't have a perfect night. go this point I'm very positive that I'm doing very well and the night is going perfect.
It's at this point I have to get my friend to come back, not let the bs get to them and to keep having a good time. Evidently some ppl just like starting stuff so of course I'm gonna defend my friend in my brother's house while this is going down. To anyone that reads this... DON'T BE GHETTO IT JUST MAKES YOU LOOK TRASHY UNEDUCATED AND OVERALL PLACES YOU IN DUMB-B STATUS. seriously....

You know it's going downhill when a chick is yelling at your friend saying "I'm from east L.A. b*@&$! does the fact you're from there give you a free pass to be ghetto without getting shit for it? HELL I'M FROM SOUTH L.A. ...doesn't mean I'm ghetto. Slow your roll.

Other than that, pretty good tail-end of the break, some more fratting at the Fratcastle with my people. Unfortunately I ran out of time to find my object, but I'm pleading to get the info anyway. Wish me luck ya? :)

Happy Monday morning everyone I hope you have a good one.

Quote of the break:
"What you know about dying?! "

News for the day: Adriana is back with me....with new subs ;-) be jealous.

Video of the post:

Until we meet again, Godspeed.

~The Trickster, Maui

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The "Joys" of being home.

I hope so far everyone has had/ will be having a good spring break. Roughly halfway through the spring semester...thrilling isn't it?
With the supreme beats of Sir David Guetta, Skrillex and various artist filling my cranium I bring you the Mid-Spring break edition of the Journal of the Torch Carrier.

With the last three months and my experience with my mothers car, dropping $600+ into it, and finally just fixing it on my own...I have been reunited with the love of my life, Adriana. However, still there is work to be done, granted I thought it would be upgrade work, but the repairs weren't completed correctly so she has to get reevaluated a few times. So, still waiting on the final word and what not so I can order my strut tower braces, new lights, possibly headers and a cat-back exhaust. new shoes are still in the running also, esp since they come with race tires ;-)

Hm, Deadmau5 just came on.

As for the joys of being home, they are boundless. Rolling into El Paso Friday night, walking in the house and as soon as I get to say hi, it starts downhill. You're looking a little chubby son, sit down you're making us nervous, are you going to grad school after all? Have you filled your prescriptions yet? We need to go to the bank, did you cash out your old stocks? what kind of investments do you want now?....fuck me running sideways it's good to see you too mom and dad....

my answers? I'd be working out a lot more if my knee was good to go, i don't like sitting down cuz I don't plan on staying dad, I don't know yet you know I hate school esp right now I don't wanna think about it mom, No I didn't I'm not going to take those fucking pills I'm fine, Yes I know, yes i did the check is right here, I dunno...I'm going out bye.
...First 20 mins home.

As many of you who actually know me, I'm a creature of the night, so first night in town is most definitely going to be epic. Rumple? Check... Whiskey? Check...BOOSH
Pulling up to the homestead of my dear Mr Mayor I calmly step out of my lovely Adriana once parking her near her cousin. Heading up the stairs greeted by to lovely ladies who sense it's going to be a good night once they see the bottles. Walk in, Game over. round after round after round of the Rumpliest Rumple I've had in a while, then to the modded whiskey drinks...strong drinks mind you. and the KATTING began. For those not familiar with KAT, You need to "like" Total Kat Move on F-book and get down with the hardest partying frat you'll ever know. Of course things got wayyyy out of hand, Minibear/Bones was KO'd by my mixing, Mr Sexy kept it classy somehow and the Mayor and our friend almost went after everyone with the blades for dropping the Slam piece tag hahaha. The future of KAT was also discussed, we have big plans ;-)
And it's not by Greek Letters, Its just said KAT like

Stumbling in at 5 A.M. is always fun, especially when mom knows you're stumbling in because of the freshly made rum and pepsi in one hand, which she can smell from down the hall, and a box from taco cabana in the other. As usual, she just looks at me and goes back to her room. 9 A.M sharp, dad hovering over me...time to go. I've learned to accept that when I come in at all hours of the night I pretty much provide an open ticket to my pops to work my ass off the next day. which is what happened. Bank, back home, post office, back home, driving them to the west side to pick up a paper...yeah and all the time holding conversation with me, effectively magnifying the cranial chaos that the sun and dehydration have brought. Finally when I"m released I get some sleep, too sick to eat but knowing I need to re-swagger for the evening with promise of a great meal when the rents get back. MY PARENTS DITCHED ME FOR DINNER WTF hahaha. So I did what any good college student would do, broke out the pots and a pan and Hazed the freezer for all it's yummy goodness, the result? Bomb ass shrimp n steak dinner for one. Gotta get my protein it's Beer Pong Saturday after all ;-) BP goes down smooth and fun as hell, so around 3am I'm driving home when I get a phone call, long story short: two black eyes, bruised eyebrow, and a swollen nose, painful to the touch. God I love my boys haha but don't practice mma full speed whilst not completely sober, or have been warned.

Sunday, got conned into hanging out with my Bio-mom, then went to Sincinasty...aka the depot of El Paso with my boys, made a new friend and accepted a challenge. Monday, Car goes back to the shop, I get my teeth cleaned pretty mellow day night is completely opposite but we won't get into that.

Which brings us to today, which seems like I've been having a rip-roaring time right?
 But It's all coming from the fact that I can't stand being in my house. As much as I love the rents they are just wayyy too damn good at pushing my buttons and what-not so yeah, it's a lot of stress in the Wallace house so I tend to try to stay moving.
The dreams are more vivid than ever, It's becoming harder and harder to tell the difference between them and reality. The hours now spent trying to dodge the dreams are now spent figuring out why I'm in college, why I''ma  business student, why do I care what happens in certain sectors of this crazy life I seem to create around myself. And it's been quite nice to prod my own mind, thus I'll start writing again, maybe not everything will make it here but there will be a book out there, full of these inner thoughts and dialogue.

By now you clearly know the music has changed, that was the serious part of the post.
But, Lets talk about pet peeves, I'm just gonna list situations and list the things that get me going (from eh doesn't REALLY bother me, to I'll snap) haha some could end up funny I Guess.

in the house: My rents, the lack of wireless cable, tv's constantly on with no one watching or three tv's on the same channel and two are being used in separate rooms, mom turning on the tv while i'm napping then leaving the room, mom trying to talk to me while I clearly have my headphones on watching a movie, Trying to start a convo with me while I'm trying to sleep, Telling me things I clearly already am aware of or rectified, and telling me things that have no importance to me at all then getting upset that I don't know what you are talking about.

In the Car: Crappy music, Ipod Being dead, Pandora not working on the phone, shitty drivers, Lubbock Streets, assholes, ppl who drive like assholes, that smug look an asshole gives you while you look at their car, touching the radio, Lubbock drivers, touching the radio, Juarez drivers, ppl going wayyy too slow.

At the party: not knowing people, ppl getting annoyed that you know EVERYONE...literally, long beer pong waits, the guy that talks shit about his flip cup skills that gets all pissed when his team looses, that one team that runs the beer pong table all night, drinks most of the beer, then leaves, the girls who come into your party/the party you are bar tending and acting like they own the place, guys doing the same thing, asking for whack ass drinks, not finishing drinks,  one of your ex's other ex/new person giving you a dirty look, multiple ppl giving you dirty looks for talking to an ex, the new person in their life continuing to give you dirty looks, said person eventually attacking you for no real reason besides they are drunk or jealous, puking inside the house/party yard, PI's, no liquor.

At the Bar:  see above. Add lame bartenders, worthless waitresses, the hicks that play the shitty jukebox music, the drunk guys that start fights because you passed within 15 ft of a girl they are trying to hookup with, horrible service, having to cover someone's tab, getting towed.

In life in general: being tired, being bored, not having anyone to chill with, being so bored I actually do homework, having to fix stuff that shouldn't be your problem, my room being messy haha, stingy ppl, rude ppl, friends vanishing right when you need em, nagging, speed traps, credit card limits and bar tabs, TABC, people who are ur friends when they need something, people who don't walk with purpose, People telling you what you need to do in life, people telling you who you should be with, constantly being told you should be single or in a relationship with this or that person, lack of working car, people who are not genuine and you can clearly see it. and finally, for how much I give them hell, If anyone talks bad about one of my family members, even Portia, or any of my close friends...we have a problem

Wow, that was longer than expected but that's it for the mid-spring break update

Song of the day: Lmfao-party rock anthem ft l bennet and goonrock.

Quote of the day: Don't sweat the small stuff...and It's ALL small stuff. ~Richard Carlson

Idea of the day: Surprise yourself, be spontaneous.

Until next time, keep the sun out ya eyes ya?

~The Trickster, Maui

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Revelations, Resolutions, Revolutions

Good day, time has passed since October since I've written anything, so I present my return.

 Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's day have all come and gone; joyous occasions with friends and family have been had, and we are almost two months back into the school grind.
Along with fun and games, trials and tribulations can also occur, disheartening and challenging instances which can develop us further or bring us down depending on our reactions.

Under-reaction and over-reaction, two deadly entities which can rear their ugly heads during this time which can ultimately determine the path one is trying to take while facing these trials. Both dangerous in their own rights, both able to destroy progress in endeavors. Be careful, tread truly, and keep the sun out of your eyes...Now here we go

I hope everyone had a good winter break, or general holiday time. It was personally great seeing friends, making new ones, and generally throwing worries to the wayside for a while. Granted the amount of cooking I was put in charge of was quite a task, it was an adventure. I used to always say I hated El Paso, and wouldn't go back for much anything besides my parents, there was a time where one person could change that, and now looking back I was a naive angsty teen wanting change desperately. And it was over break, sitting at my spot with a close friend, looking over the city, where I realized El Paso is a part of me, I may not be the biggest fan of the city, but in that moment it felt like home, the friends I've made there will always be some of the best.
Being with family, eating and drinking over a great meal, spending time with friends I rarely get to see, and keeping tradition alive with others. New Years was pretty grand, may not have been the rager we experienced the first time around, but good people made it great. My love...well maybe not love... but my enjoyment of bowling has been rekindled thanks to my brother and Tecate Tuesdays haha. However, my favorite moments involved a cup of coffee on Lee Trevino.

Along with the fun times, seeing old friends etc, eye opening experiences came to play. One being the previously mentioned conversation at my thinking spot. Others included walking into a party, dancing in a basement, getting a phone call, and losing Adriana for a while after an emotional night and a too-fast-taken corner. I walked a bridge, was a mobile bartender, a stationary bartender, an IT specialist,  a prince and a douchebag...became Alpha-like, and fell into my emotions. Learned about my father, and got closer to my mother... It was quite a roller coaster to say the least but somehow I survived, and write to you today haha hopefully no one had so much up and down action, hopefully it was pretty high riding.

Now, new years what-nots, we tend to see a flurry of resolutions to get in shape, do this, make that happen. It wasn't until later, once I was back in Lbk that I got sucker punched in the face for a resolution...Total self improvement.. I have a goal to attain, however I must take it step by step, day by day. You should try it, figure out where you are lacking in life, yourself, your identity, relationships, attitude or habits. Write them down or memorize them, and everyday wake up, and go over will take a lot of self-monitoring, but you'll notice changes slowly but surely. Personally mine follows my name, makes it easier. But what I have to lose without this journey is far too precious not to follow this path. Constant self improvement is very satisfying, even if the reasons for your change don't come will be a better person through the journey you take. Godspeed :)

Somehow, I survived my twenty first year of life and lost people some money on their bets...haha sorry fellas, I'm hard to kill off. Additionally, seeing as it's post-valentines day I wanted to address this... I know v-day is supposed to be/ seen as, a couples thing. Romance in the air, lots of affectionate little things going on. Granted I had planned to attend an Anti-Vday party but that is actually a light-hearted and fun affair. I know people who may be single, or having a rough day, and lash out at Hallmark's brainchild. V-day shouldn't be so focused on that aspect, but rather look back and think of what you did, if you went out single or coupled up think about how everything went. Think about your family, friends, immerse yourself in thoughts of good, happy times. Maybe you didn't have a stereotypical V-day, but that's okay...hell I spent mine at a bar, but it was a good chill time. Bottom line, don't stress too much over V-day. Do something sweet for a special someone sure but hey don't go overboard, unless your married hahaha. Remember that for next year.

Ah it has been a while since I wrote here... I'll try to keep it up more consistently.

Quote of the day:
A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at"- Bruce Lee

Thought of the day: Slow and steady, Easy does it

Song of the day: Monster -Michael Jackson Featuring 50 Cent (no bullshit)

I Promise I will get to the story of The Lightning Count and the Hurricane I swear.

Godspeed in all endeavors.

~The Trickster, Maui