Driving into the desert, sun setting behind the mountains that overlooked my existence for 18 years, I ponder. Global Reach stretches itself out behind the airport, 737s coming and going, incoming Cessna, probably 172, lifts gracefully into the air. I ponder. Something isn't right, so many things that just don't fit.
I think about wolves, how we see them sometimes as viscous, how we describe someone untrustworthy or unloyal as a wolf, we warn each other of the wolves lurking in the darkness.
I turn off the radio, silence in this desert oasis, then I play a song, fitting for the mood. "Keep the Wolves Away" by Uncle Lucius. I suggest you listen to it, great jam.
The clouds coming over the top of the mountains are a beautiful shade of flirting with being a storm, the low light of the sun mostly blocked out by the mountainous teeth that the earth spits upward into the sky.
Once Hollywood fell, I looked around. Loneliness is an emotion or state of mind, alone is a situational condition. I was alone. Not completely, but, the closest ones were nowhere to be found, at least willingly. Now this is where the battle of the mind starts, what do I make of this new condition? Waking up in my room had me feeling more exiled than the affectionate nickname "The Slavehouse" would suggest. Where is everyone?
Turn the lights on, loop 375 exchange, 65 miles an hour. You can see the lights of Ciudad Juarez, Mexico awakening. Used to be the most dangerous city in the Americas, maybe even the world, memories of watching the city exist from atop the mountains on summer nights is pretty amazing, the $10 "Drink and Drown" specials we used to abuse are a close second. Memories of food, drink, great friends and experiences interlaced with sounds of occasional gunshots somewhere in the darkness. We had to trust each other, that whatever happened, we would stay together, we'd fight if we needed to, run if we had to, but it would never be alone.
Loyalty solidified through crossing a bridge.
My phone has never been so silent. But the majority of those who reached out, surprised me, people I never talk to, or hang out with, someone I had had such a monstrous falling-out with that I almost transfered out of Tech... True, I had a few that are close call, or come by to chill, and I thank them for that. But for the ones that I thought I was even closer to...
Is loyalty a wasted virtue? It seems that I've had wolves around me, waiting for something.
Maybe self-interest, perhaps.
I will ride into battle for my family any second of my existence, I will fight for, pick up, save those who have trusted me to be by their side. I'd hope to be able to count on some around me to be at that point too, however, as my campfire becomes brighter in this desert, I can feel the eyes of wolves all around.
Nothing is ever black and white, but, the mind is a powerful thing, and with the pieces not fitting, I'm becoming more determined to find out who is dressed as a sheep among my "family" I've lost everything before, I'd rather not do it again, but, that's something that life will decided.
And as far as that goes, at least life has been wanting to screw me...
Almost thought that this was gonna be my year, but it's painfully obvious that ship has sailed.
'cos now it's my turn to keep the wolves away..."
Is that a new coat?